Let's face it some people are hard to live with! How do you get along with others? Or sever the ties with those who aren't healthy for you. Five basics that you can weigh out when you are tired of being nice. Learn how to live victoriously with others, While still keeping your respect!
Yes!! It would be easy if we never had to deal with others. Let's face it we can run from people but sooner or later we will have to interact and have relationship. How do we deal with others that are hard to stomach? Our spouses, children, friends, and co-workers will all fit the bill at some point. There are some key things to ponder before we slip them the tongue and say something we will regret.
1. We have to ask ourselves does this issue have anything to do with me?
See most of the time that others are lashing out and annoying us, the situation doesn't have anything to do with us. I learned this from my husband very early in our Marriage. He was a nit-picker. I am an optimistic. I see gold in everything and he see's rubble! LOL Realizing this and learning that him and I are very different. However we still carry the same goal. We want a successful Marriage. We came from different back grounds,we were raised different and we are a product of what we learned. However we can co-exist in a household with out a fight.Do we have arguments? Of course however our spouses are a mirror to our inner self. A lot of times we are mirroring exactly what it is that needs to change in them. The same for them to us. When we ask is this issue ours, his, or mine? we are able to really see what it is!
How about that Mother-In-Law! You know which one. She always has a plan for you to do what she wants. She always seems to know how, to raise your kids, cook your food, and please your husband.Yea she should have been born you.. What do we do... Ahh leave me alone! That's never going to happen.
2. So what we have to do is establish boundaries!
If we allow people to say what they want and act however they choose it could turn in to a very tragic situation. Boundaries are healthy, as a matter of fact unhealthiness lies in a relationship without boundaries. Now this will take some wisdom on your part. It will pay off. Depending on your temperament, you may have to put on your big girl panties. Not for confrontation but to say what is needed to establish the relationship However don't be under an illusion. Realize what is wrong with you and don't expect others to wrap you in bubble tape Set boundaries that help cultivate your relationship. You could say I realize that you have experience raising children. However these are my children, I appreciate your input, I intend to raise my children the way I choose. I would love for us to have a connection beyond how you feel I should do things. How is your day? Guess what that was ( mirror)
3. Cut off damaging relationships!
We all have had them co-dependent, abusive, emotionally detrimental. Listen you get one life the only one you can control is yours. Will you waste it letting someone treat you less than?You are not alone there are so many who are in complete disarray from some one else's problems. Take responsibility for your own actions. Refuse the the things that have nothing to do with you.Break away from what holds you down. If you are the one causing the pain (abuser) Stop it! Take a stand for yourself and say I can't do this anymore. If you are being abused contact local agencies for help exiting. Remember that you can't be rational with an abuser and the best thing is your safety. How ever you can tell someone who is always Debbie downer, look I have to many good things going on to continue to let you dump your misery on me. There has to be something good going on! I can't have this every day I am happy and you pushing your woes on me is depressing. I believe that you have had it bad, but you are responsible for making it right! So I will not allow you to dump on me... Tell me something good!Chances are that this is all you will have to say. These people will most likely look for someone else to dump on.
4. Be realistic about the relationships you have!
They will not always be great you will have to be a shoulder to cry on at some point. You may even need a shoulder. Don't think someone is supposed to take your advice and that it will all be better. There are times to give advice. Remember that most of the time when others are opening up it is to get it out. Do they really need your input? Or do you think it is so easy to solve their problems? Solve yours first! Only give advice if asked, other wise offer your self for emotional support. Don't be a list of statistics! Who wants to hear I told you so... It is your job to be a friend not a parrot.
5. Do you see yourself in any of these?
If so commit to being a better Friend, Spouse, Child, Co-worker! Remember you can't change others but you can change the way you feel about them. Most people are angry because they want people to suit them. Well that will never happen. Don't be one of them. Be someone that others want to be with.
I leave you with the Golden rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated.
Don't let others walk all over you, realize who fits where, and live Victorious with others.
Carolyn Curry
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