Time

Ever think about what really matters? We are not promised tomorrow give all you can today!

Hard pill to swallow: 

Think of it if you are lucky enough to live a full life, imagine being in a hospital bed knowing it is your time to go. 

Will you be happy with the decisions that you made in your life?

 I can see me gauged in thought have I done the right things? 

 Have I love with my whole heart and held nothing back?

 Am I leaving a legacy that I want to be remembered for? 

It has been said that it doesn't matter what you've done or said but how you made others feel that sticks. 

I think will I have regrets? 

Will I have untended relationships?
 Hurts just thinking about it...

Have I showed others what is in my heart have?

I done what was best for them and not me? 

I am very aware of how fast the end can creep up. 

My father died when I was 14 and in the matter of one year he was gone. 

He was 33 years old.

As I became 33 this year I look at my life and think of him wondering how afraid he was know that time was coming?

Feeling like the dream of a life that he would have expected to carry out was probably not going to happen.

 I look at my kids I imagine being him...

It really puts it perspective thinking about all that I would miss and it breaks my heart more now than ever.  

 Sick, the cancer filled his body.

 I was not able to grasp the sickness with my adolescent mind.

 I was a rebellious teenager running every time I had the chance. 

Trying to figure out who I was. 

Some times I wonder if he felt like I should have spent more time with him. 

I Guess that is just apart of the guilt I felt the day i watched him die. 

There wasn't time for words. 

However it haunts me the ability that you have to someone can be just ripped from your hands because you didn't savor the moment!

 I think about the moments we had and how much I admired him.

 Not because he was awesome father figure, it took him a long time to gain that title.

Early on he was an alcoholic who abused my mom, He treated us kids good but he wasn't very good to her or to our upbringing. 

Even now I can run into people and they tell me what a legendary fighter he was and how strong and great he was. I used to think he was a super hero!

 He could back flip and walk on his hands. 

Oh I loved my Daddy.

 What would he have wanted me to carry on... 

Not the Alcohol or the abuse, that I did carry for many years.

 But believe that he would want me to carry on his understanding. 

When he was sick he wasn't able to drink, all his friends dwindled away and he found what really mattered the hard way... 

I watched my father cry at different times continually his friends were gone I know it hurt that he traded us in for them so many times, and now they were gone. 

I know that he looked around and found what really mattered. 

He never raised his voice again only his eye- brows.

 But in that 1 year he loved us and God filled up for lost time... 

He realized what mattered!

How about you?